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Saboteur

July 5, 2009

This weekend has been a bit of a setback.

On Saturday I just felt hungry and ended up eating 2,500 calories.    

Then yesterday, after a 30 mile bike ride, I decided to stop at Trader Joe’s for groceries on the way home.  

Trader Joe’s is in a geographic danger zone for me.  There is a little triangle of Trader Joe’s, a tasty Thai restuarant, and a bakery that sells the most amazing cupcakes.   I used to get takeout from the Thai restaurant, pick up a few cupcakes, and take it all home to eat.   I had a bizarre and wasteful habit of buying several meals, eating half of the meal and throw most of the leftovers away.   I think it’s part of the warped mentality of scarcity that I have.   Or this feeling as though to ensure that my meal be perfect I buy a little of everything.  Except you can’t really buy a little.  

I’ve managed to go to Trader Joe’s without frequenting either place for the past 2.5 months.   

This time, I started thinking that Trader Joe’s might be closed due to the holiday.   I decided — with full knowledge that it was a bad idea — that I would go to the Thai restaurant to get curry if Trader Joe’s was closed.   Well Trader Joe’s was closed.   And on the way to the Thai restaurant, I detoured the block to the bakery.   I don’t think I would have purchased a cupcake, but in any event the bakery was closed.   I continued on to the Thai restaurant.   The Thai restuarant was also closed.   

And I could have taken this as a sign that the gods of the 4th of July didn’t want me to blow my plan, but no — I wouldn’t let these events foil my attempts to eat!   I went home, had a yogurt smoothie, then headed out.  I picked up hamburger and fries for dinner.  Then I bought a large bag of popcorn and an ice cream bar.   I ate the burger without the bun, half the fries, the popcorn and the ice cream bar.   

Total calories for the day: 2500 (1900 of which were consumed after 2 pm).

It should at least even out due to the 30 mile bike ride.

But there is clearly something amiss because I am doing the same thing today.   I liked my ice cream and popcorn and I want more.

So what’s up?

Physical

  1. I did not eat enough before/during my bike ride.
  2. I was dehydrated.   I thought I was craving food, but I was also dehydrated.

Emotional

  1. I felt lonely.  I had not made plans for July 4th and I kind of felt like a loser.
  2. I have been feeling like failure is inevitable for the past 3 weeks.   
  3. I still think of eating as a way to fill time.
  4. I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself due to some issues I’ve been having at work lately.

 

My weight is down though at 223.6.  Hoping I can hold that through tomorrow.

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