Feeling a Little Blue

June 23, 2009

I have had a rough time with emotions today.   I am just so down about the constant pain that I am feeling in my ankle and the dawning realization that it is likely never going to go away.  I had a fleeting thought that I just wanted to go home and cram cookies in my mouth.   But I realize that is going to solve nothing.  My ankle pain is likely caused by either scar tissue (which I had hoped because it can be fixed) and/or posttraumatic arthritis. I can be upset and angry, but either way life is going to move forward.   If I don’t move forward, I am going to just get worse.   There is no other option.  There’s no way for me to wave a magic wand or turn back the clock.    But, regardless of what my actual problem is, with every pound I lose I am reducing the amount of stress borne by my ankle by 5-7 pounds.   

My eating today was not horrible, but a bit sporadic, low in fruits/veg and protein.   I ate:

Breakfast: 1.25 cups of Kashi go lean crunch, .75 cup low fat milk, iced espresso (320 cal)

Lunch: Sushi from Whole Foods (tuna and cucumber, 9 pieces) (350 cal)

Snack: Raspberries (90 cal)

Dinner:  Kashi frozen meal and a yogurt smoothie (590 cal)

I did have a nonscale victory.  I was going to buy a bag of cookies in Whole Foods today, thinking “These will be good, I can have one serving every now and then.   Each serving is only 150 calories so I can work it into my calories.”   And that’s true, but there was no need for me to buy cookies when I made a pledge to not eat sweets during the week.  So, I put them back.   Often what I do, is get hungry or feel deprived and respond by planning to eat a larger dinner portion or by stocking up on cookies that I had pledged not to even eat this week.  It felt good to recognize what I was doing, why I was doing it, and then taking a positive action.


One comment

  1. That is great thinking process you went through! I have to remind myself to THINK before I purchase/snack/eat all the time too. Otherwise the calories can get RIDICULOUS. hmm but I do wish one day I can just eat mindlessly and not feel guilty about it. Maybe one day………

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