A Sense of Loss

May 8, 2009

Yesterday I was in the shower at the gym and out of nowhere a thought flashed into my head: It would be so nice tonight to relax when I get home by watching TV and eating some chocolate-covered pretzels.   When I realized I could not do that this night, I felt okay about it.  But when I thought that I really could not do that for a long time, I felt really sad. 

I often doubt that I will be able to bring any long lasting change to my eating habits because I have such strong mental ties with food.   I can do okay in public or for a couple of weeks, but I always want to go back to eating sweets.  Food has always been one of the ways I destress, relax, and comfort myself.  When I ask myself which I would prefer- a healthy body or my typical comforts the answer does not always seem clear to me.  

It seems to me that on some level it is not just a question of will power.  I know I have will power and I know I am not lazy.  I am a really hard worker in other areas of my life.   I quit smoking five years ago cold turkey. 

Will these feelings of loss pass for me?   Do you ever get over them entirely?

In other news, I have lost an additional 3 lbs since my last weigh in for a total of 10.2 lbs gone so far.   Pretty amazing!


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