When I Look in the Mirror

I’m back!

whenilookinthemirror — Thu, 12 May 2011 12:24:59 +0000

In the 180s that is! Yeah! More to come………

I’ve gone way way way off plan

whenilookinthemirror — Wed, 04 May 2011 01:57:28 +0000

Okay, eating has gone way off plan. I’m eating an average of 2500 calories a day! And it’s mostly cookies after dinner. I think I was definitely using cigarettes to prevent or curb my habit of overeating. But that’s just substituting one problem for another. I need to get to root of my compulsive habits. And as that will take time, I need healthier substitutes and coping mechanism. And yes the overeating means …. no smoking! It’s been almost 10 days now and I’m feeling quite thrilled to be a nonsmoker once again.

Running and exercise has been good, except I strained my lower back on my 12 mile training run on Sunday and have been out of commission for the past few days. There’s no exercise I can think of that wouldn’t strain my back. I’m hoping tomorrow will be better.

I’ve got a few weeks til the half marathon. I’m going to get down to 185 by then (this morning weighted in at 191.8).

The plan til the half:

1500 calories a day, except my long run days (once a week) when I can net 1500 calories

Exercise: Run 4 days a week, Cross train at least one day, Walk to or from work as often as possible.

Fingers crossed and feet hitting the pavement…….

My Dirty Little Secret

whenilookinthemirror — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 01:25:38 +0000

My dirty little secret is that after not smoking since college, I started smoking this past summer. At first just a few cigarettes every couple of days, then up to about 7 or 8 a day. I don’t want to be a lifelong smoker, so yesterday I quit. Woke up in the morning, ran 11 miles, fought off the cravings. Went to Easter. I was so wiped from the run it was hard to focus too much on the cravings. Then this morning nicotine withdrawal hit like a Mac truck. All morning I was DYING for a cigarette. The idea that the craving “only lasts 3 minutes” — LIES, ALL LIES! Try, four hours. But even thought it sucked, I didn’t mind it as I knew it was just my body ridding itself of nicotine and it would get better soon.

A little better in the afternoon, then hit me again hard in the evening. Then I went for a 4 mile run, which, surprisingly,…..didn’t help much. ARRRGGGHHH!

Eating is good today despite the cravings. I may allow myself to go up to 1800 calories today just as I fight off the nicotine monster.

Oh, and weight for today: 190. Down 0.6 from last week. Weight loss has been slowing down, but I’ll worry about that later. The next day or so I am focused on: not smoking, working out, drinking tons of water, eating fruits and veggies, and making sure my calories are down enough to keep losing some weight. Still 11 pounds to half marathon goal.

The screw up

whenilookinthemirror — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 12:58:42 +0000

Yesterday I was just super depressed. I’ve been feeling in a funk for the past few days. I think it’s because my ankle has been acting up, which always freaks me out as I have had multiple surgeries on it, gotten the all clear to run for the doctor, but it hasn’t been “right” it seems since an injury almost 10 years ago. So I always go into a mental tizzy asking if I reinjured it or damaged the bone that was repaired. I’ve been debating not running, but running doesn’t seem to exacerbate it, plus I really need to train for my race. I am however going to make an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon for a check up.

So what did I do in the most knowing and mostly planned manner? Yesterday I woke up and ate a healthy breakfast- one egg, one egg white, one piece of multigrain toast, coffee with milk. Then I did my Jillian Michaels cardio resistance work for 50 minutes. Then a healthy lunch — turkey bacon blt, one piece of string cheese, apple. And then for snacks and dinners throughout I had many: cookies, bacon wrapped dates, mini pigs in blankets, marshmellows, a plate of pasta (at least it was whole wheat), and ice cream bon bons. I ate because I was depressed and wanted to make myself feel better by eating, even though logically I knew it wouldn’t matter and I would feel worse. Total: about 2,900 calories. And yes, I tracked it all on daily plate! Every stupid marshmellow!

Hopefully I will burn it off on today’s long run.

I weighed in at 189.4 yesterday and decided not to weigh in today because I didn’t want to unnecessarily freak with a short term water gain. I’ll weigh in tomorrow and use the heavier of tomorrow’s weight and Saturday’s weight as my “official” weight.

Bouncing towards the 180s

whenilookinthemirror — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 13:07:31 +0000

Weight this a.m.: 190.6 (down 1.2 from last week).

But the most exciting thing about weigh ins this week is that my weight dipped into the 180s this week (then I promptly gained my regular 2 pounds of monthly water weight, which always happens to me overnight mid-cycle). I can’t even wrap my head around it, as I am very used to weighing in the 190s and haven’t been in the 180s for forever. I am almost in denial about it — for example, I usually think about my weight in terms of planning in my head. For example (to self): Ok, you’re 192.2 now, if you lose x you will be y by z date. I’m so unused to the 180s that I started transposing the numbers. Instead of planning for “189″ I was planning for “198.” Hopefully the 180s will become a new and temporary “normal” for me!

Heading into “old fat” territory

whenilookinthemirror — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 02:04:13 +0000

My weight is at 191.8, the lowest it’s been in 8 years. In fact, my most recent lowest weight below that was when I was 187 at 17. I’ve heard that it’s harder to burn “old fat” than it is to burn “new fat”. I haven’t seen anything definitive on this, just a lot of speculation. First up 3.8 pounds of sort of old fat . Then onto the really old stuff 25 plus pounds of 14 year old fat — like my very own insolent teenager! I guess I will be my own experiment.

Healthy You Challenge Check in

whenilookinthemirror — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 02:03:27 +0000

Weight: 191.8 (down 1.6 from last week)

Food: I’ve mostly stuck to 1500 calories during the week, but various celebrations and eating out came around this weekend and I ate 2,000 calories Friday and Saturday and close to 3,000 on Sunday (my long run day, so hopefully that mitigated any damage……Which brings me to ….

Exercise!: Going great. I have kept on my running schedule. I ran a 10K on Sunday and had my best pace per mile time I have ever had in a race. I finished in 1:04 with a pace of 10:19/mile. I did cardio resistance training from the program on Jillian Michaels’ website and it kicked my butt! Three days later and my shoulders and butt are still a bit sore. My ankle has been bothering me a bit the past week or so, especially while running, but I am trying not to freak out just yet. If it gets worse or keeps on like this for a little while I will make an appointment with my ortho.

She’s too fat to run

whenilookinthemirror — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 17:48:39 +0000

This morning I got ready to do my long run of the week for my half-marathon training plan. I ran 6 miles on last week’s long run and, because I had to switch some of the mileage of the program around due to a race next week, my long run this week is 8 miles.

Anytime I run more than six miles, I need to carry water and (usually) sport beans. Last year, I ran with a friend and we always ran by an outdoor vendor selling water, so there was no need to carry water. This year, I have moved and my mostly solo long runs do not take my by a water vendor. So I bought one of those belts that holds four 8 oz water bottles (two in the front and two in the back) and wore it for the first time today. I felt amazingly self-conscious walking from my house to the park wearing my water belt. To me, the water belt is something that “serious” runners wear. I kept thinking that people who saw me walking with the belt on were thinking “Why is she wearing that? Why would she need that? She’s too fat to run far enough that she would need to carry water.”

I get that I am a runner — maybe not as fast as others, but relatively solid. It’s kind of crazy to me that I still have a “she’s too fat/I’m too fat” complex.

And yeah, I did my eight miles! At a 10:35 min/mi pace, which I was quite pleased with.

Week 3 Weigh-in

whenilookinthemirror — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 12:58:01 +0000

Weighed in this morning at 193.4, representing a 10.4 pound lost since I restarted my weight loss journey (Phase 2!) and a 60.4 pound loss overall. Feeling very good about this. 14.4 pounds to go til my half marathon weight goal. To reach that I will need to lose just over 2 pounds a week.

I updated my stats

Exercise plan for this week:

Sunday: 8 mile run (am), light weights/conditioning (pm)

Monday: Rest

Tuesday: 5 mile run

Wednesday: 3 mile run

Thursday: Rest

Friday: 3 mile run

Saturday: Crosstrain day (probably 20 sets weights, 45 minutes elliptical)

I keep holding on!

whenilookinthemirror — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 12:48:52 +0000

I noticed a few people still look at this blog and wanted to update in case any one real is out there reading this (versus vitamin sellers and spammers)!

I have been maintaining about a 60 pound loss for the past year and a half. My weight bounches between the low 190s and low 200s.

I started running and I have a true love/hate relationship with it (but mostly love). I ran the NYC half-marathon last year — all 13.1 miles! And I’m training for another half in a few months.

My life has changed for the better in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I am so much more at home and comfortable in my body and in life. I feel things — the mostly good the sometimes bad — instead of being comfortably numb. I found a new job — one of that gives me so much more autonomy and that doesn’t require constant sacrifices from and intrusion into my daily life.

I am thrilled that I maintained my loss, and I’m planning to move on to my next plan to lose 25 pounds before my next half. That would take me to 75 lost total — 8 down in two weeks (hello water weight gain/loss!), 17 to go in the next 8 weeks. My plan: 1200-1500 cals day/5 days a week; 1500 net cals or less one day a week; 1800 net cals 0r less the day of my long run. Exercise Minimum: Running – Marathon half plan. Equals — One long run a week (starting at 5 miles and building to 12 — currently am on 6); Run outside 3-5 miles two days/week; speed and hill training on treadmill one day per week. Cross train one day per week. Plus I am trying to do at least 15 sets of weights twice a week. I really can’t get excited about doing weights, but it will be good to do some functional training for my legs. Plus going to try: More yoga, walk to or from work (3.5 miles) once the weather gets warmer, one or two “fitness ridge” days where I basically exercise all day!

I just need to do it! I don’t want to waste my life and regret that I didn’t do this in ten years.

Maybe I’ll even start blogging again!